So many of you who know me, well everyone who knows me, knows that I have OCD.
Here are some links that helps explain exactly what OCD is and how it effects the person(s) and their family in question.
Most mothers dream of being able to stay at home with their kids to educate them and be able to enjoy all the small things that are important in life when they are adults and we are able to look back and remember them. I always knew I wanted children, I used to say I wanted 4, crazy I know. I am so grateful for my amazing husband who works so very hard to provide for us and allows me to stay home with my boys. However, I have always worked and was raised to always be a value to your family and learn to take care of yourself and children if needed. My mother is a true inspiration to all women in that aspect. She has her Masters in Education and is an RN. I have worked since I was 15 on my own accord so that I could have the things I wanted even if my mother could afford to get them for me, I wanted to do it! That being said why am I "complaining" about being with my children all day long, everyday, all the time. Well for one I have a seriously OVERACTIVE 3 year old who needs constant attention and stimulation also because of his little brother jealousy issues that we are still working on & I believe that children really need school at an early age to promote social and emotional balance. Being away from me for a few hours is a great thing for him and all children so that they learn to be able to trust themselves and their judgment. The biggest thing is also my husband is NEVER home. He is currently doing is SDA (Special Duty Assignment) which takes him away from the family for long hours and sometimes days. So, hey every momma needs a break. That's where not having any family near by comes to play.
I always here from other military wives how easy it is to make friends in this life style and how many they have all over the country and world. I have some amazing friends that took time to make and bond with. However, when I was younger I used to say "oh yea shes my friend," even if we had only known each other for a day or even an hour if we bonded over something, I guess its pretty normal. Now as I am older, not necessarily that much wiser but still older, and have some experience under my belt. I find it harder to make close friends. It could be that the biggest group of women here are between the ages of 18-24. Not that that makes them less of a person or not able to be a good friend. However I find usually they are in a different stage in their life and its hard to find things to bond about other then Marine Corps related stuff. I am so grateful for the friends that I do have and have had for a very very long time. It's just that I would love to have someone that I can spend time with in my house or theirs and someone to just be able to talk to and hear when things are getting rough. I have made some pretty cool friends here so far but it took a very long time. Really just a few weeks ago did I start to really have activities and people to bond with.
On that note, here is where a schedule and big house come into play. I will lose sleep if I don't clean the house. I am not like a freak who needs everything to be folded in a certain way or who can't go in my bathroom if it isn't cleaned the right way, but I do have to be able to clean once a week and my house is pretty organized. I am always thinking of new ways to organize and get bored after I finish decorating so I think of new ways to do it. I know it sucks I have calmed down a lot but its what goes on in my head that sucks. I think and think and think and oh my God think. It really does take up a lot of space in my brain. I knew growing up that I was different and always wondered why I was the way that I am. Going threw teenage years with this TRULY does suck, in more ways than one. Its also very hard to clean a big house that you are still organizing and with two kiddos that never have a place to go and hang out while you get yourself together. I am so grateful that the Marine Corps provides decent and available housing for families and that they are big enough to hold large families that include dogs. I just finally figured out a way to get a routine going and a cleaning schedule but this was so hard to do and is always changing due to the kiddos schedules. I would rather revolve my life around them which is what has helped a lot with the OCD.
Well I know this has been a very long post, longer than I was thinking about but I hope that with this little insight that you and your family are able to understand people with this disorder. Or it helps you to know that you are not alone out there.
Thank you for listening (reading)
xoxo, Jesse
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