So as I have stated before my husband is in the Marine Corps, of course this is hard. We make friends, we bond, we struggle with a new area, start to get comfortable &..... Off we go again. October of 2012 my family and I got orders from Camp Lejeune, NC to SUNNY & BEAUTIFUL Camp Pendleton, California. I was so excited, I was so over NC and most of my friends were moving on anyways so this was it, a place that was going to feel more like home.
Back track a little bit. My husband and I are from Hollywood, FL , its such an amazing place and there is so very much to do all the time. I was excited when we decided to get married and then he decided "oh hey, ummm, I am going back in the Marine Corps," ugggg I tried to talk him out of it but he was dead set on it. So I had a choice to make. Marry the man that I am head over heals in love with OR let him go and pray that I find someone that is half the man he is. As you can already see I chose to be with him. So we packed up and moved to NC. It was great at first but after 2 deployments and some really uncool people I was sooooooooooooooooooo ( I can't stress enough) over being there. Plus its in the middle of no where, with nothing to do really after the first year that doesn't entale driving over and hour there and back.
So now to continue. Moving was not fun and the drive cross country with a 3 year old and a 6 month old was very trying on me. Well as you can tell we made it safe to our new duty station. Then came the movers and the disaster they left behind, but I was super excited the hubby said I could redo our furniture and do all the stuff I always wanted to in NC. So I started and I am still trying to finish. It is now May and I am going nuts. I finally was so down and out that I decided to seek medical help. In comes the doctors I have been put on 3 med's now and 2 have been for about two months now. THEY say I have OCD (which I always knew about and controlled well) that I didn't know was everything that I thought it was. I always knew about my cleaning but when she told me everything else I was floored it was like I had an answer to all of my moments I asked myself what is wrong with you. The one I am not so sure about it ADHD but hey I am getting more opinions.
I have felt so down and so drugged that its hard for me to start or even finish anything for a while but then again I felt down and out without it. So I am kinda stuck at square one again. I have been considering talking to my doctor about getting off my med's but we shall see what she says in a few more weeks. I just want to feel like myself again, I want to be active, and happy, and just a normal happy healthy human being again.
I don't know if its depression or OCD or ADHD or whatever else they will come up with but all I know is that this move had not been anything I hoped it would. My poor husband works ALL the time and is home for small periods of time then back to work for 28 days in and out just crazy weird schedules. Now before someone jumps down my throat, I know hes a Marine, its his job. OK I am not mad about that I just wish he where here more so that I can get better. I want to be a good mother, a good wife, and a good friend. Lately I feel like I have been lacking in all departments. I mean don't get me wrong. My children are fed, bathed, played with, and get outside as much as we can. The hubby is loved on and more ;) However, I feel like I am half there all the time, like my head is trying to pull its self together. I clean but not like I used to, I do laundry but it takes me forever to get it done, and I totally put my photography on hold cause it was just to much. Let's not even talk about my garage full of projects I want to do but can never get thru 30 mins before the kiddos are pulling me away.
I am not telling anyone this for sympathy or anything I guess I hope maybe that this blog reaches someone who may be in the same boat as I am. I am not hopeless or want to die or anything far from. I want to get better. I want to LIVE! I want to feel young again. Maybe I am just blogging in hopes that someone will reach out and give me piece of mind. Someone who is in this same box as me or someone who has been there and can tell me that it will pass and how well they are doing now.
I don't know I just wanted to share and if anything comes of this, I will totally update everyone.
Thanks for listening,
xoxo Jess
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